


Of Libraries and Genitalia

by chennychenchinchen



Series: college au + crack [2]
Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Humor, M/M, kaisoo if you squint - Freeform, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 20:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6768685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chennychenchinchen/pseuds/chennychenchinchen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and I’m trying to study over here so I’m going to put an end to this game by winning” au</p><p>Rated T for excessive use of the word penis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Libraries and Genitalia

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt source: http://double-b-ass.tumblr.com/post/140127226317/au-master-list
> 
> Disclaimer: The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Very special thanks to my wonderful beta and friend, Alisontheperson, for helping me through this mess. Seriously, I read this through like 50 times before I sent it to her and she still caught about 5000 mistakes (♡μ_μ) Also, bless her soul for coming up with the title.  
> (http://archiveofourown.org/users/Alisontheperson/pseuds/Alisontheperson)

~~~~

Baekhyun absolutely  _ loathed  _ Kyungsoo.

Well, that was a lie. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo actually got along quite well, which is good considering the fact that they’re roommates. But Kyungsoo also had a boyfriend, Jongin, who Kyungsoo  _ really _ liked to fuck. So at least once every week, Baekhyun was kicked out. Cast away. Thrown to the sharks.

Sexiled.

Theoretically, it shouldn’t be so bad. Being kicked out of the dorm for a couple hours meant Baekhyun had no excuse to not study, which was good, seeing as he spent most of his downtime watching anime on his laptop instead of completing homework. Baekhyun  _ could  _ just watch his shows in the library, but he had a very strange taste in anime and he wasn’t about to have someone judge him and ask stupid questions about irrelevant things, like why the main character’s natural hair color was blue, or why said main character had a harem of 5 guys, one of them his own dog, who all had some kind of weird fetish. Besides, his papers weren’t going to write themselves.

Overall, Baekhyun didn’t like the library too much. There were too many books, too many other students, the neverending clacking of keys on keyboards being drilled into his head. It was incredibly overwhelming, and he hated it. Today, however, was especially terrible, hence his self-proclaimed loathing of Kyungsoo. The main source of today’s negativity was none other than the group of three boys who sat at the table right next to Baekhyun’s.

“Penis!” someone from the trouble trio called out quietly. A round of giggles followed.

Yes, that’s right. These three 20-something-year-olds were playing the penis game, a game loved by middle schoolers everywhere. The game people played in which each person in a group took turns shouting the word ‘penis’ as loud as they dared to in a public area. And to make matters worse, this particular trio had been playing this game for a solid 5 minutes. Baekhyun was trying to  _ study _ , goddammit. At this point, he was honestly considering going back to his dorm and joining Kyungsoo and Jongin for a threesome.

“Penis!” a different voice spoke up with a slightly louder volume. Giggles ensued.

That’s another thing; these guys were wimps. Despite having grown louder each time they shouted, they all had yet to surpass the ‘quiet yell’ stage. _ If you’re gonna play the game, at least play it right _ , Baekhyun thought spitefully. 

Baekhyun looked up not only to glare at the trio but also to get a good look at their faces so he knew who to avoid sitting by if he was ever to study in this god-forsaken library again. The first boy was a brunet with a chin that could probably be used to draw a flawless straight line. The second boy had bleached blonde hair with a physique that was comparable to a noodle. Both of them had a shit-eating grin painted on their face. Baekhyun noted that the bleached blonde wore his snapback on sideways ( _ what a wannabe _ , Baekhyun rolled his eyes). And the last guy was-  _ woah _ , hot diddy damn, would you look at  _ that  _ man candy. 

Baekhyun could tell that the last of the three boys was tall, even though he was seated. He had hair that was the most perfect shade of roasted chestnut, the fringe cascading down to his eyebrows. He had ears that stuck out slightly. But perhaps most perfect of all, a pair of thick-framed glasses was perched on his nose. And  _ goddammit _ , if Baekhyun wasn’t a slut for cute guys with glasses, he’d scarf down a whole batch of Kyungsoo’s homemade cookies that he cooked in the dorm microwave (They made him gag, but he had to pretend to enjoy for the sake of being polite and not ruining Kyungsoo’s self-esteem). But then suddenly, in the middle of Baekhyun’s glare-and-stare session, their eyes met.

Baekhyun’s eyes shot back down to his textbook.  _ Abort mission, abort mission!  _ Baekhyun internally screamed. He hadn’t intended to make eye contact. Baekhyun peeked up again, and sure enough, Cute-Glasses Boy was still staring at him. 

Oh my god,  _ oh my god _ . Was Baekhyun coming off as unfriendly with his glare? Would the Cute-Glasses Boy still give him his phone number? Why was Baekhyun even glaring at that table in a first place, especially since the table seated such a cute guy-

“Penis!”

Oh yeah, that’s why.

“Penis!”

Giggles.

Why did Kyungsoo and Jongin have to be horny  _ now _ , of all times? Jongin was a pretty cool guy, but right now Baekhyun was as mad at him as he was his roommate. What did Baekhyun do to deserve this?

“Penis!”

More giggles.

Next time Baekhyun gets a boyfriend, he’s gonna kick Kyungsoo out for a couple hours to show him how it feels. Then maybe Kyungsoo will repent on his sins and never cast Baekhyun into this hell of a library ever again.

“Penis!”

How was it even possible for college boys ( _ adults _ , for crying out loud!), to giggle this much?

“Penis!”

Baekhyun had  _ had it _ . He was  _ done _ . Done with the whole lot of them, even the cute guy with the glasses. He was going to end this game the only way he knew how to. By winning. He stood up, chair scraping against the ground with an earsplitting screech that rivaled nails on a chalkboard.

“PENIS,” he yelled as loudly as he could, his voice echoing throughout the whole library. And if the library was only alive with a quiet hum before, it was dead silent now; every single person in the library had their eyes locked on him, not that he could find himself to care. 

Pulling his chair forward, Baekhyun sat down again with a huff and opened up his textbook as angrily as he could. 

He was pleased to say that over a minute had passed since his outburst, and the trio had not said a single word. And if there was something Baekhyun loved more than a study-friendly library, it was  _ winning _ . However, no more than a minute after that, there was a tap on his shoulder.

Baekhyun whipped around, a quiet hiss of “who gave you the right to tap on my goddamn shoulder when I am trying to study, piss the fuck off” ready on his tongue. However, his tongue twisted when he saw that the person who tapped him on the shoulder was not some angry librarian, but was, in fact, the cute guy with glasses from earlier. Slightly taken aback, Baekhyun settled for a slight loathing stare and a curt hiss of, “What do you want?”

The guy looked slightly hesitant but answered anyway. “Er...” he started in a whisper to accommodate the library rules, his hand rubbing at the nape of his neck sheepishly. And  _ goddamn _ was his voice the deepest velvet that Baekhyun had ever had the pleasure of hearing. It didn’t particularly match his baby face while somehow also fitting him perfectly. “Well, you probably know this already, but my friends and I were having a contest on who could ‘penis’ the loudest and I offered to buy ice cream for the winner, and well, er... You kind of won by a longshot.” Baekhyun paused for a moment.

“So you want to buy me ice cream?” he whispered back skeptically after a moment. As cute as this guy was, he was  _ not  _ going out with a guy who shouts immature words in the library when people were trying to study. That wasn’t how Baekhyun rolled.

“Well yeah, it was a promise, after all,” Cute-Glasses Boy laughed. “I-I wasn’t participating in the contest, by the way, I was only providing the prize. I’m not as immature as my friends, I swear.” 

Now that Baekhyun thought about it, he didn’t recall hearing Cute-Glasses Boy’s deep voice at all before now, much less yelling ‘penis’. He figured this guy was telling the truth. And although he needed to study, free ice cream was free ice cream. He’d be stupid to turn it down. Still, he tapped his chin as if considering.

“Okay, I’ll let you buy me ice cream,” Baekhyun nodded, and he couldn’t help but feel pleased with the smile that spread across Cute-Glasses Boy’s face. “When do you want to go? And also, I’m afraid I don’t have any downtime to spend yelling ‘vagina’ at an ice cream parlor.”

“Well, in that case, how about right now?” Cute-Glasses Boy grabbed his hand and yanked him out of his seat, tugging him out the door. His hands were really big. “I won’t make you yell, I promise. Jongdae and Sehun will collect your things, don’t worry.” As they left the library, Cute-Glasses Boy let go of Baekhyun’s hand, much to Baekhyun’s displeasure. His hands were warm and soft.

“Now works. Do I at least get to know your name?” Baekhyun asked, following Cute-Glasses Guy to what he assumed was the popular ice cream parlor down the block; the go-to place for sundaes.

“Oh, yeah! That’s kinda important, now, isn’t it?” Cute-Glasses Boy laughed. “It’s Park Chanyeol. And you?”

“Byun Baekhyun.”

***

“And then Chanyeol bought me my favorite sundae even though my order is stupidly specific, and then he got me a napkin when I got ice cream on my face, and then he laughed and called me cute!” Baekhyun raved to Kyungsoo, who was barely listening. “Who knew that yelling ‘penis’ as loud as you could in a library would produce such satisfying results?”

“Mhm,” Kyungsoo replied mindlessly, sprawled out on his dorm bed with his eyes closed.

“He’s perfect, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun sighed, sprawling out on his own bed. “Did I mention how cute his glasses look on him?”

“Only about 400 times,” Kyungsoo replied irritably.

“How about his deep voice?”

“You’ve mentioned that one too.”

“And his height?”

“Yep. He’s tall. Got it.”

A silence fell in the room, one of which was promptly filled by Baekhyun’s humming of the latest cheesy girl group song.

“I think I’m in  _ love _ , Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun murmured dreamily. 

He expected Kyungsoo to retort with something sarcastic like ‘you have fun with that,’ or ‘it’s middle school all over again’. Typical Kyungsoo positivity.

Instead, Kyungsoo answered with a small grunt, followed by a straightforward, “Does this mean I can have more sex with Jongin since you’ll be out of the dorm a lot?”

  
Indeed, Baekhyun stood by his words when he said that he  _ loathed _ Kyungsoo.

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of a bad ending, I'm sorry :"(( I was uncreative and I panicked and I didn't know what to do
> 
> Baekyeol is my otp and when I saw this prompt I had to do it I just had to. Also, this is the most I've ever written the word penis in my entire life I feel the need to cleanse myself from sin
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! If you could spare a moment to give me feedback in the comments, that would mean the world to me. You don't have to, of course, it's in no way my place to tell you what to do! But again, it would mean a lot. 
> 
> Thank you so incredibly much for reading ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ
> 
> //
> 
> talk to me [here](https://curiouscat.me/chennychenchinchen)


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